Ever considered a startup slut?

Ever heard of a Startup Slut?

According to wikipedia a "slut“ is an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.

A quick look into an online thesaurus offers us the synonyms "whore“, "hooker“ and "prostitute“.

Now, what does one of these creatures do? She, or in some cames, he will build the clients pressure, bring him/her to his or her boiling point and the help relieve the pressure.

You will now ask yourself – what is (s)he on about and what does it have to do with startups?

Just bear with me, while we indulge our sleazy inner self for a moment.

Imagine yourself sitting at the bar in a nice and elegant place. You are sipping your exquisite spanish brandy, just minding your own business and maybe relaxing a tad or reliving your day and all the things that happened.

You are so involved with your own thoughts that you don’t even notice the door opening and a lady, holding up a fancy little black dress, coming in. You only realize once she takes a place not too far away from you, makes eye-contact and every sign of being approachable.

Now, if you happen to be a little shy, she might even ask you, if you didn’t mean to buy her a drink and of course you do.

You two get to talking, she seems genuinly interested in what you have to say. She laughs at all your jokes and you two really hit it off. Hours later, the only question remaining is - to your place or mine?

Now, even on the way, she knows how to entice you, to tease you, to make you loose your head and let your blood rush to your nether regions. In short you feel like a pressure cooker ready to burst.

Once you enter your place, she is all over you [...] leaving out the kinky details [...] and in the end she skillfully relieves your pressure as you explode like you’ve never done before but in between, due to her expertise, you performed like you never knew you could. You’ve been the stud you 've always dreamt about being. Your mom would’ve been so proud (Ok, that might be going a little too far ...).

After it’s all over, she retires to the bathroom, comes back after a short while, again completly dressed and impeccable. She leans close to you and whispers: „Now, it’s time to pay up, stud!“

Now, let’s take a breath, cool down and  get our minds out of the gutter and focus again for a few short moments.

I therefore now propose the position of StartUp Slut. You may ask yourself, what a startup slut is or you may make some inferences from what you read above and that would be quite true.

What a startup slut is (I don’t use the more appropriate term „whore“ or „prostitute“, because of their derogativeness) is simply someone that through experience, knowledge and maybe contacts and network, helps a startup take off. He/she will keep everyone on their toes (keep the pressure up), help with direction, provide in-depth mentoring and actual hands-on service. He/she will be intimativly acquainted with latest developments in the startup landscape and the proper sectors and best-practices in founding and growing of a startup as well as the state-of-the-art in theories and frameworks.

Lastly the slut is an external factor that for a certain length of time becomes an internal supporter. Someone that provides the shoulder to cry on, the boot that kicks you in the nuts, the understanding of your best friend and the attitude of your coach, constantly pushing you to be at your best and that always keeps the eye on the grand price, which is building your startup and providing value to you and subsequently your customers and other stakeholders.

You may interject that that is exactly what incubators/accelerators (I feel there is much confusion about those terms, especially in the non-English native countries) do, but not every startup can count on Y Combinator or 500 StartUps to be in their corner and their business model is also somewhat different. Of course, they provide support, mentoring, some also office space and very importantly reputation and pedigree as well as great networking opportunities, but they simply cannot go the length and into the depth of providing hands-on service, 24/7 dedicated support and all the other soft and hard benefits that come with closely working with someone.

I don’t want to take anything away from the calibers of YC, 500, TechStars, Angelpad and the many others that offer outstanding service to their portfolio startups and by all means, if one can get into those programs then that is first choice above all, but for those that can’t or won’t, there may be some slutty alternatives.

I, of course, know that there are already very qualified and good consultants and consultancies available for startups that offer quite similar services, but this is giving the whole thing a different name and spin and putting some sex into the game. After all, do you want to wake up next to a suit or a slut?

So, if you think your startup might need a blowjob, give me call or maybe we just get started with some petting to get to know each other.